These are my rhythms of life here in 2017. I say I love you, cry, ask for forgiveness, and pray. I don’t have a clue about the rest of it. I know fast food destroys my body, but here I am scavenging the dregs out of the waffle fry sleeve. I know life is supposed to be lived like a revolving door but I’m still trying to keep everyone packed on top of each other in the same revolving wedges so no one can fall out. I know social media is bad for me generally but yet here I am. I’m easing into more changes but clinging to my rituals.
When she bore down to push, I looked around the room at the seven of us. I thought about each generation before us, who labored out the next, and on and on, that brought us here, to a darkened hospital room to bear witness the birth of this little one. Tamika grabbed Ryan’s hand and I thought of my own mother’s soft tan hands gripping a cold hospital rail and my dad’s arm, as if it eased any sort of pain. It is crazy how humans can love each other that much without the slightest clue of who they are bringing into the world and the heartache tethered to them. It is crazy knowing my mom –like many others- would do it all over again if she had the chance.
Growing up is complicated business. This is not a new discovery for myself as I’ve jammed ear buds filled with angst-y music or woken up in the middle of the night with searing growing pains in my legs, or sat on the lawnmower controlling what felt like the only thing in my life: several million subservient blades of grass, wondering if I will ever get to experience the big world out there, away from Greenbrier. I […]
A few weeks ago I was leaving for Nashville for the week (even though I was just there the weekend before, but what is being twenty something if not for burning up the road?) and because I meet with Kylie on Wednesdays I swapped out and met with her earlier in the week. I wrote about Kylie early on in our friendship through the local public school mentoring program here –she is a highlight of […]
Last weekend I went to a late night showing of John Well’s August: Osage County mainly in preparation for the Academy Awards. If you don’t click with my rationale there, just tell yourself it’s Bri’s Super Bowl party. Kind of the same thing. I wasn’t particularly drawn to the film outside of a deep admiration of Chris Cooper and Meryl Streep (Adaptation, anyone?). The trailers seemed predictable: dark comedy of family dysfunction under the matriarchal […]
This evening was at best, mundane. I ate leftovers while glancing over at the television airing Marc Forster’s take on James Bond’s Quantum of Solace. I read junk mail. I returned a few emails for work. I called my mother to tell her about my scab. I finished off the last of the orange sherbet. I became increasingly aware that Quantum of Solace was probably the launching pad of Forster getting kicked off my ‘favorite directors’ […]
On March 16th, 2013 my friend Thomas died gut wrenchingly unexpectedly in his apartment. Thomas is the kid brother of my best friend, college roommate, and grafted in sibling, Susanna. Thomas and I weren’t really friends in the sense that we were actively involved in each other’s lives but we were friends in that we loved some of the same friends and family dearly and by default, were strongly connected. I remember visiting her home […]
In a recent effort to expand my community borders in Jefferson City a little further, I applied to be a mentor to a high schooler. The director of the organization was hesitant to match me with one for ambiguous reasons but I’ve resigned myself to the ever growing, unspoken obvious, that I probably look like a high schooler. This has been a slow and painful realization, more acutely felt this year than in years past. […]
I’ve tried to think of the best way to sort through my thoughts over my time this summer, but especially my time in Aurora, Colorado. Over the years I’ve realized that photography has been my safety blanket of communication -that if someone just looked long enough, they’d get what I’m really saying. I think It’s my attempt to say something without having to actually say it. To overcome my hesitations and get me back in […]
I have never been much of an academic enthusiast. Sure, I enjoyed the luxurious social lifestyle my student years’ afforded me, and the idea of learning about new things as a season in life. I am a creative and somewhat rational and reasonable student –creative being the part that got me an B+ on an eight page paper that was supposed to be twenty, rational being the film student that thought having a scene with […]